A story involving blood and mucus

This is a story involving blood, mucus and shoving things up bodily orifices that should not have things shoved up them.

Hey, where did everyone go?

In other words, it’s the story of Olivia’s birth. Actually, she had already been born at this point. So it’s a story about 20 minutes after Olivia’s birth. There is also a placenta involved, but only momentarily.

So, I had just given birth to Olivia, and my placenta (that’s the placenta reference we discussed earlier. The word placenta will not be mentioned anymore this post, you may look at the screen again.) successfully also delivered (there were problems with that the first two times…later though because it would involve mentioning that word that I promised we wouldn’t mention). I’m staring at this slimy thing now attached to my breast and cooing over her when the midwife, Lauren, grabs my attention.

“We have a small problem.”

While she is telling me this, I notice that in her gloved hand is not only blood, mucus and other bodily fluids, there are four small white pills.

“That’s odd.”

I think to myself.

“Why would she put those in her hand when I have to take them? Now there’s blood, mucus and other bodily fluids all over them. That’s kind of gross. Actually, that’s really gross!”

While I’m thinking this, she continues to tell me the problem.

Lauren-“You’re bleeding, a lot. In order to stop the bleeding, I have to give you these pills…up your butt.”

Me-“Oh I can take those orally. I know they are covered in blood, mucus and other bodily fluids, but it is MY blood, mucus and bodily fluids. I don’t mind. Hey, no really, I can swallow those easy.”

Well, you can imagine, she didn’t take me up on my offer. Those suckers “Entered” where things should only “Exit”, the bleeding stopped and I didn’t die.

I also now only take medicine that doesn’t resemble small white circular pills, because seeing them brings back bad memories.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Smoketx on April 25, 2010 at 4:27 am

    You are too weird.

  2. Posted by theerin on April 25, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Product of my parents.

  3. Posted by Uncle Brian on May 5, 2010 at 5:50 am

    Aren’t you glad that they were small round white pilss rather than the large oval ones.

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