Archive for December, 2008

“you’ll shoot your eye out!”

so for christmas the conor bought the aidan a nerf gun (and you can now see where this is going so i’ll keep it short and sweet). i’m sitting here perusing my now defunct myspace page when i hear the aidan screaming from his bedroom. i jump up, run to his room, open his door to find him crying with his hands over his right eye.

“i shot my eye!”

“how?” is what i’m wondering because this is not a little gun, this is fairly large. i mean, he would had to have been holding the barrel to his eye with his arm completely stretched out in order to reach the trigger. sure enough, that’s what happened. when he shot the gun, the bullet did not come out, so he investigated, and shot himself in the eye.

he’s ok, and he still has a pair of eyes.

the episode in which erin has the cops called on her

opening scene: christmas eve day…sunny and cool (of course being in central texas, it’s t-shirt weather).

we come in to find the erin preparing for the many things she is to do today. her mother in law has already picked up the older two children for the day.

the erin(speaking to herself): ok, i need to drop off the olivia with the abigail, hit up h-e-b for kool-aid to dye the play silks and dog food…tractor supply for a dog bed…lowe’s to see if they have low VOC paint and if not, then to sherwin williams to purchase the purple paint the moira has been asking for her room for months. at this point, kathy (the erin’s mother in law) should be ready to take the olivia, the angelo should be home and we can paint the moira’s room so she is surprised on christmas morning to wake up to a purple room. i still need to figure out how to convince her that when she comes home tonight, she does not need to turn on her bedroom light. o.k, let’s go.

we follow the erin as she drops off the olivia to the abigail, stays for a bit to chit-chat then heads to h-e-b where she makes her purchases then realizes that she forgot the paint chip at home. so, naturally she heads home to pick up said paint chip the heads back out of the neighborhood.

the antagonist of the episode now shows up in the form of a dog in the middle of the street at the entrance of the ‘hood. the dog (a border collie looking dog wearing a bright pink collar with bling and a petwatch tag) is very friendly and willingly jumps into the erin’s car when shown to the door. the erin calls the petwatch number and gives the woman the tag number.

woman at petwatch: it seems the owner’s have not registered the dog with petwatch. the information i have for it is at the herein county animal shelter. would you like that number.

the erin: yes, please (the erin hopes that the animal shelter is a)open on christmas eve and b)has the information on the very friendly dog).

after taking down the number the erin calls the herein county animal shelter.

the erin: hi, i found a dog in my neighborhood…it has a petwatch tag, but the new owner’s have yet to register the dog with them.

guy at animal shelter: unfortunately there is no way for us to tell who adopted the dog by that information. if you bring it in, one of the techs might be able to identify it. we technically are not open today, but i’m here if you want to bring the dog in.

the erin: i’m going to try these nearby houses first to see if anyone recognizes the dog. if not, i will bring the dog to you. thank you.

the erin drives around the cul-de-sac, knocks on doors and discovers that nobody recognizes the dog. the erin is now at the second to last house when things take a turn for the worse. stay tuned…

hi, i am a petwatch representative, and i’d like to discuss how important it is to register you pet with our company as soon as you have adopted your new friend. the purpose of our company, the microchips implanted in your pet and the identification numbers on their bright yellow tags is to return your pet to you should your pet ever lose it’s way. however, this cann0t be accomplished if your pet is not registered. if after adoption, your pet should manage to leave your premises and be picked up by a caring individual, we will not be able to tell them where your pet lives if this very important registration process has not been completed. the caring individual is now left with four choices:

1) leave the pet where it was found and hope that it is not hit by a moving vehicle, picked up by animal abusers or run into other vicious animals.

2) take the animal to the nearest animal shelter and hope that the owner finds the animal before someone else does.

3) take the animal home where it is sure to cause a fight with another adult member of the household who never wanted pets in the first place but keeps finding himself themselves in pet-owning situations.

4) walk door-to-door asking each and every individual if they own or at least recognize the animal and run the risk of running into nut-jobs.

so please, register your animal with petwatch, and save any potential good samaritans the hassle of taking care of YOUR dog more than necessary.

and now, back to our regularly scheduled program…

the erin has just pulled up to the second to last house in the cul-de-sac and is knocking on the door. inside she hears a television playing and the sound of several small children running up to the door. at this point the angelo has called her and she is talking with him as well…

the erin: hey, i’m at another house right now

the small children can clearly be heard through the door and seen through the small window in the door as the stand on something to peek out, smile and laugh at her.

the angelo: just don’t bring the dog home, if you can’t find the owners, take it to the shelter.

the erin knocks several more times and the small children keep “playing” with her, but nobody over the age of five can be seen.

the erin: this is really strange, i see small children, but nobody else seems to be home. i’ll call you back.

the erin knocks a couple of more times to no avail. so she calls the cops.

the erin: hi, my name is erin and i am at this address, i can see several small children, but nobody else seems to be home. i’m concerned that they may be here by themselves.

the dispatcher: we’ll send someone now.

ok, it was a little more detailed than that, but that is the jist of the conversation.

the erin and the dog wait in front of the house for the cops to arrive when suddenly the front door opens and a teenage looking girl calls out (rather rudely):

rude teenage girl: what do you want?

the erin: i’m just trying to find the owner of this dog.

rude teenage girl: that’s not our dog.

the erin: ok, unfortunately it seemed that only small children were here so i have called the cops.

other teenage girl: OMG mom she called the cops!

 rude teenage girl: we’re not allowed to answer the door when our parents are not at home.

the erin walks up to the house (slowly and with no sudden movements lest she frightened the teenagers) to maybe see about talking to “mom” about the situation. she is handed the phone where “mom” through a very bad connection tells the erin she should stay out of their business and to wait there because she wants to talk to the erin. she was none to pleased when the erin informed her she had called the cops believing that there were only small children in the home.

and then the erin takes over just telling the story because quite frankly, trying to tell it as a script is exhausting.

so at this point the cop has pulled up, i walked out to meet him and tell him there are in fact older children at home, the first girl tells him that she is 16, i apologize to him, he tells me it’s o.k. he’s glad i called rather than not. he leaves.

mom and dad pull up. dad exits the car and immediately walks over to me demanding my i.d. because he is going to file harassment charges against me for harassing his children.

at this point the neighboor walks over and says she was watching the entire episode take place and wanted to let me know that they watch out for each other. if you were watching me knock on your neighboors door knowing that the children who were, as i was told over and over again by an irate father, not allowed to answer the door were at home without their parents, WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU COME OVER AND LET ME FUCKING KNOW?! THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

oh my, excuse me.

the neighbor understood my concern and even thought to herself that she should come over when the police showed up (i’m thinking that if this was all happening under my neighbor’s careful watch and all she did was “think” that she should come over, i’d be choosing a different neighbor to keep an eye on my house when i was out).

anyway, i kept trying to explain how things looked from my perspective (small children obviously at home, nobody else obviously at home) but the father kept telling me that his children did the right thing by not answering the door…fabulous…EXCEPT THE YOUNGER CHILDREN OBVIOUSLY DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT AND WERE AT THE DOOR LEADING ME TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE HOME ALONE.

“thinking” neighbor: i understand, i work at the school, we get calls like this all the time, but his children were not allowed to answer the door. we watch out for each other.

dad: you could be a predator! i don’t know you from adam! my children did the right thing, they are not allowed to answer the door when we are not at home.

me: EXCEPT THE YOUNGER CHILDREN OBVIOUSLY DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT AND WERE AT THE DOOR LEADING ME TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE HOME ALONE.

“thinking” neighbor: i understand, i work at the school, we get calls like this all the time, but his children were not allowed to answer the door. we watch out for each other.

dad: you could be a predator! i don’t know you from adam! my children did the right thing, they are not allowed to answer the door when we are not at home.

rinse and repeat.

btw, mom has called the cops who are on their way over so they can press charges against me for harassment.

christmas was brought into it and how i have ruined their holiday and he is still demanding to see my i.d. at this point i lose it and yell at the man “I AM NOT SHOWING YOU MY I.D. BECAUSE I DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE BECAUSE QUITE FRANKLY YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT AND I DON’T WANT YOU COMING TO MY HOUSE TO HARASS MY CHILDREN!”

the dad seemed taken aback by my comment and seemed to calm down a little. i apologized for scaring his children and let him know that was not my intent, i was just concerned about the seemingly lack of supervision for some very small children. i reassured him i will never knock on his door when it is obvious they are not at home (translation: i will NEVER knock on your door again). had there not obviously been little people in the house seemingly alone, i would have left and none of this would have ever happened (or if the “thinking” neighbor had come over when she first saw me knock at the door, because, yanno, she watched the entire scene unfold).

i went ahead and gave him my name (my brain failed at giving me a fake last name other than “smith”), he knows i live in the ‘hood and i have no doubt they wrote down my license plate number. when the cop showed back up after i had left (dad gave me permission to leave, i called the pd and asked them if they needed me to stay or if they wanted my phone number, they said i could leave and took my number) he called and told me not to worry. the mom wanted to press charges, but he told them that this was not a harassment case.

the dog, who waited so patiently in my car was taken to the shelter.

the moira’s room was never painted as lowe’s did not have the low voc paint and sherwin williams had closed two hours prior to my arrival.

the abigail was very happy to see me arrive to pick up the olivia as i was on the phone with her when mom and dad pulled up and my closing sentiment was such that she was sure i was going to be leaving the premises in an ambulance.

now, my question to you, my adoring fans is this: did i do everything correctly? what i have learned is that next time, i will check with any neighbors to see if what i think is happening is really happening. but if no neighbors had been available, would you have done the same thing?

please, do tell.

dusting off the keyboard to say…

i didn’t fall off the face of the planet. i have been going non-stop since thanksgiving, everyone has been sick and i have just not made the time to sit down and do anything here. i will however, i will.